[The downside to this is that he can hear just how emotional she’s getting. At the same time, that was kind of the point. Sunny’s quiet, and it’s good to hear anything from him at all; but from Aubrey, words aren’t enough.
[Is anything?]
Honestly, though, I… I don’t know what to say. What do you mean you’re forgetting so much…?
[Her voice cracks on his name. There’s a muffled sound as she covers her mouth. Every message is its own little stab; of course he was never okay. What a sick, cruel, joke of a thought.]
[It is his fault. It is his fault. It is his fault, and she can never know. That photograph. How long has Aubrey been holding onto it? Did she bring it with her? It doesn't make sense. He hadn't wanted to see his sister's face. He wasn't ready.
[He feels like he could fall asleep. Just fall asleep, and it will all be over...]
[She misinterprets. Apology after apology rises in her throat; she chokes them all down. This isn’t about her…]
You didn’t have to be alone.... [But Aubrey’s not not at fault, is she? This guilt can’t be for nothing. Four long, lonesome years, and not once did she reach out; not in four years, not in two months, not until someone else’s distress hit her cold and dead.
[She’s so fucking stupid.]
You didn’t. And now you… [It takes some sputtering, but she forces it out.] You don’t have to be....
[She tears out like her life depends on it. Forget the phone, forget shoes, forget everything else. Aubrey nearly trips in her haste, but in within minutes she’s knocking at Sunny’s door. It’s far, far overdue.]
[Sunny opens the door. He's small anyway; thin, pale, the same height he was when he was twelve. He looks smaller than usual right now, sinking in on himself. He wipes at the back of his eyes. He doesn't deserve to cry.
[He doesn't know what to say. He hugs himself and backs away to let her in.
[The inside of his house is different than the last time she saw it. There's a massive pile of stuffed animals and other soft items stuffed in one corner beside the couch. That's where the polaroid and Aubrey's note lay. A shitty TV sits on a box across the room. There's a coffee table with half-eaten crap on it. Sketchbook pages litter the floor. Sunny doesn't remember drawing today...]
[It takes substantial self-control not to throw her arms around him on sight, but Sunny was never quite a hugger (and really, neither was Aubrey); only with Mari. His sister.m
[Sunny’s arms are closed in upon himself, and Aubrey inadvertently mirrors. He looks smaller than he sounded; pale, undernourished, wiping his eyes. He was a hollow facsiile of himself at church, and she’s hardly seen him since—looked, yes, passed and disregarded, but never seen.
[Aubrey doesn’t know what to say. She shuffles in like an unwilling trespasser.]
H-hey… [The room gets a passing skim, but it’s Sunny she’s trying not to stare at. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—]
You’ve, ah… [Aubrey forces a glance towards the stuffed animals. It wanders idly back to the floor as she talks.] You’ve made it cozy here…
[His voice is very quiet - very quiet. He's not sure if she'll hear it at all. He doesn't look at her.]
Are we friends?
[He doesn't want to do this if they aren't friends. He doesn't want to be her nothing anymore, but he doesn't want to be just someone she's hanging onto old loyalty for either. Back in Faraway, it felt as though they had reconciled; maybe they did. There's an urgency to return, suddenly - because Basil is on the other side of that door. Sunny hasn't let himself feel it in two months. None of this was supposed to be real.
[So, how real is what he remembers?
[Are they friends? Or are they just meant to be apart?
[He loves her. It hurts. He doesn't want her to say no; doesn't even want her to hesitate. But he suspects she will.]
[Not yet...I don't...have to tell her anything...yet...
[There are other things to worry about. Sunny doesn't notice that his body has tensed until he feels the tension release; it isn't peace, though. Sunny sinks to the ground and covers his hands with his face. What's happening to him? And through it all, Aubrey - she doesn't know; she's right here.
[He was never the crybaby of the group. He wipes at his eyes, but it's impossible to stop the tears. All at once, he wants to go home. But going home only means going far away anyway. He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want anything.
[Sunny's sobs are only seen, not heard, the way his back jumps and shudders, curled up just like that. There's only one pair of arms he'd like to feel around him.
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[A call, then.]
Hey. [It’s immediate, quiet, almost out of breath.
[Silence follows. Right… Sunny never was very talkative.... Phones are terrible in general, actually.]
Sunny? Are you there?
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[It's only a breath; the shakiest, smallest of whispers:]
Yes...
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[Thank god, thank god,] Thank god. [A relieved, shaking whisper. Hold it together…]
Hi, Sunny.... It’s… really good, t-to hear you. [She swallows.] Sorry. Was it easier to type…?
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Yes...
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[She’s messing up already…]
Sorry. Sorry. We can— Is it okay if I talk? And you can write…
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“Ok.” Okay, yeah. This can work. It’s okay…
[The downside to this is that he can hear just how emotional she’s getting. At the same time, that was kind of the point. Sunny’s quiet, and it’s good to hear anything from him at all; but from Aubrey, words aren’t enough.
[Is anything?]
Honestly, though, I… I don’t know what to say. What do you mean you’re forgetting so much…?
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my head
is fucked
it doesn't
feel real
i come home
and i don't know how
or wake up
to messages I didn't send
[...]
they're calling me
the wrong name
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Sunny…
[Her voice cracks on his name. There’s a muffled sound as she covers her mouth. Every message is its own little stab; of course he was never okay. What a sick, cruel, joke of a thought.]
How long…?
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how long
have we been here?
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It’s been like this since you got here?!
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sorry
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No. [Firm. It falls apart from there.]
Sunny, it’s… It’s been two months, it’s been four— Too long. God, it’s…
[She wipes her eyes, futile.] It’s not your fault. I’m sorry....
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[He feels like he could fall asleep. Just fall asleep, and it will all be over...]
please
don't say that
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[She misinterprets. Apology after apology rises in her throat; she chokes them all down. This isn’t about her…]
You didn’t have to be alone.... [But Aubrey’s not not at fault, is she? This guilt can’t be for nothing. Four long, lonesome years, and not once did she reach out; not in four years, not in two months, not until someone else’s distress hit her cold and dead.
[She’s so fucking stupid.]
You didn’t. And now you… [It takes some sputtering, but she forces it out.] You don’t have to be....
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I did...
[He deserved it. He needed it. He wanted it, didn't he?
[Didn't he?]
i miss u
so much
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[God, after all this?]
D… Do you want me over there? [Desperately soft.]
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[He hangs up the phone.]
yes
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be right there
[She tears out like her life depends on it. Forget the phone, forget shoes, forget everything else. Aubrey nearly trips in her haste, but in within minutes she’s knocking at Sunny’s door. It’s far, far overdue.]
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[Sunny opens the door. He's small anyway; thin, pale, the same height he was when he was twelve. He looks smaller than usual right now, sinking in on himself. He wipes at the back of his eyes. He doesn't deserve to cry.
[He doesn't know what to say. He hugs himself and backs away to let her in.
[The inside of his house is different than the last time she saw it. There's a massive pile of stuffed animals and other soft items stuffed in one corner beside the couch. That's where the polaroid and Aubrey's note lay. A shitty TV sits on a box across the room. There's a coffee table with half-eaten crap on it. Sketchbook pages litter the floor. Sunny doesn't remember drawing today...]
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[It takes substantial self-control not to throw her arms around him on sight, but Sunny was never quite a hugger (and really, neither was Aubrey); only with Mari. His sister.m
[Sunny’s arms are closed in upon himself, and Aubrey inadvertently mirrors. He looks smaller than he sounded; pale, undernourished, wiping his eyes. He was a hollow facsiile of himself at church, and she’s hardly seen him since—looked, yes, passed and disregarded, but never seen.
[Aubrey doesn’t know what to say. She shuffles in like an unwilling trespasser.]
H-hey… [The room gets a passing skim, but it’s Sunny she’s trying not to stare at. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—]
You’ve, ah… [Aubrey forces a glance towards the stuffed animals. It wanders idly back to the floor as she talks.] You’ve made it cozy here…
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Are we friends?
[He doesn't want to do this if they aren't friends. He doesn't want to be her nothing anymore, but he doesn't want to be just someone she's hanging onto old loyalty for either. Back in Faraway, it felt as though they had reconciled; maybe they did. There's an urgency to return, suddenly - because Basil is on the other side of that door. Sunny hasn't let himself feel it in two months. None of this was supposed to be real.
[So, how real is what he remembers?
[Are they friends? Or are they just meant to be apart?
[He loves her. It hurts. He doesn't want her to say no; doesn't even want her to hesitate. But he suspects she will.]
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[No hesitation:] Yes.
Yeah. We– We are. If you still…
[If you don’t hate me, like you should. She swallows, hard.]
…want… that.
1/2
2/2
[There are other things to worry about. Sunny doesn't notice that his body has tensed until he feels the tension release; it isn't peace, though. Sunny sinks to the ground and covers his hands with his face. What's happening to him? And through it all, Aubrey - she doesn't know; she's right here.
[He was never the crybaby of the group. He wipes at his eyes, but it's impossible to stop the tears. All at once, he wants to go home. But going home only means going far away anyway. He doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't want anything.
["Then why are you not hungry? Are you even alive?
[Sunny's sobs are only seen, not heard, the way his back jumps and shudders, curled up just like that. There's only one pair of arms he'd like to feel around him.
[He'd take Aubrey's too.]
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sunny can have stims as a treat for me
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pretend mewo is aubey
MEWOOOO……
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it’s a shippy icon, officer, but it checks out
oh noooo my hand slipped and completed several steps ohh nooooo
HEWWO!!
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