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[sadpoem]

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[headhooligan]

♥︎

[That’s all, then. Aubrey brings herself; no sword, not even bat. Maybe that’s an absence she’ll regret, but the last thing she wants to do is fight.

[But Omori wouldn’t have said that. That’s enough, for now.

[She knocks.]

[not here] 1/2

[sadpoem]

[He is literally not EVEN just standing there.]

2/2

[sadpoem]

[Aubrey's been knocking since Xie Lian moved in, Sunny notices. It makes sense, he supposes, but still, sometimes, he wishes she still didn't.

[He answers the door, swallowed by the same hoodie he started wearing after his arm got mangled.

[He's never sure whether to hug, or...]

Hi.

[headhooligan]

Hey.

[She waves a little. Smiles a bit, lets it drop, because she’s bad at faking it now. It’s awkward, frankly. Strange feeling.

[There’s no intention to this. The house is kept clean now, save a spare lantern or two. Maybe a stray drawing; they never stay where they’re put away.

[When was the last time she saw him? Maybe better not to think of it like that. Aubrey doesn’t invite herself in.]

You’ve kept safe this time, huh…?

[sadpoem]

[Sunny is more perceptive than anyone has ever given him credit it for; can't express, so he learns expressions. Aubrey's makes him step back, turning his body to open the path for her. He wants her to step inside - nods toward it...?

[But her question makes him feel guilty, like he's broken some unspoken rule, put there by a peer, not a mother.

[Sunny looks away.]

Mostly...

Have you...? [Last time, they were together.

[Didn't go too well...]

[headhooligan]

[She takes the cue, stepping in; just far enough for the door to shut behind. It doesn’t feel like—isn’t, this isn’t her house. Aubrey doesn’t live here. The anymore on that thought is hastily scribbled out; it was never true.]

I’ve, ah…

[Aubrey rubs at her arm, a gouge that isn’t there. Short sleeves reveal she’s kept unscathed—miraculously so, considering.

[Well? Be honest. The pause says enough already.]

I could’ve… tried harder to, I guess. [Slow, uneasy neck scratch.] Thought it would take over the house and everything again, but it didn’t, so....

[Christ. She is bad at this.]

[sadpoem]

[...]

You...[Why is it so scary?]...seem upset...? [He could just be imagining it; wouldn't be the first time...he thinks?]

[headhooligan]

[Aubrey rubs her face for a moment. Invites herself, at least, to the couch. It’s flooding back again, what he did. What she didn’t. What they all have and haven’t done, some internal tangle of half-scribbled bullshit that can make her want to hurl the nearest object, the nearest person, into a lake—

[In the end, all it even leads to is more exhaustion.

[She never wants it to be the last time she sees him.]

Yeah. [Another belated response.] I am. I guess that’s normal, though.

But I’m not… upset with you.

[She stares down, idly, at a lantern.]

[sadpoem]

[Well...that's all well and good, but...]

I don't...want that for you.

..."Normal"...[He...nods. He gets it, but...still...]

[headhooligan]

[There’s a half-smile, maybe a grimace. Glance to Sunny, back away.]

It’s not really new. I don’t… want that for you, either.

[She pats the couch lightly. Feels like they haven’t talked like this in a while.]

[sadpoem]

[Sunny feels relief. He comes to the couch, and sits next to Aubrey. He wants to reach for her hand--

[He can, can't he? He does. He wants to pull it to his chest. It could only ever be Aubrey.]

It's not really new.

I know.

[headhooligan]

[She reaches for his hand. He can pull it to him, like they used to— started doing— have been doing, and never had to stop.]

I know, too. [Even softer.]

[sadpoem]

[Sunny smiles. It quivers, withholding. He's never been good at it, and it fades. He squeezes Aubrey's hand - strong, reassuring--

[He...tries to be.]

I'm sorry.

[headhooligan]

[She squeezes back, gentle and rhythmic. Grounding, or so she tries, like Sunny is.]

You don’t… have to be. [Tell him.] I mean…

[He doesn’t know.

[Tell him, before you…

[Can’t.]

So am I.

[sadpoem]

[Sunny takes a deep breath. How does Kel smile so much? He squeezes Aubrey's hand, releases - this, this...

[He never knows what to say to this.]

You...help. Me. [That's...something, at least, right?]

Aubrey...[Sunny frowns just a bit, glancing at their hands. He shifts in his seat, tucking one leg under the other; looks at Aubrey.] I want to help you, too.

[headhooligan]

[So they’re both at a loss.

[They’ve been so busy with those lanterns, Sunny and Xie Lian. If Omori’s popped in, Aubrey hasn’t caught it. Then again, she’s been over less. And for what? A maybe-lie? Sunny trusts him. Xie Lian is patient with him; with both of them.

[Either way: Sunny won’t be here forever.

[Aubrey’s mouth opens for words that don’t come out. She shakes her head. Shuts it. Squeezes his hand a little tighter, and…

[Lets herself lean towards him. Rests her head on his shoulder, if he lets her. Maybe she shouldn’t; maybe she doesn’t care. Sunny wants to help, and, sometimes…]

[sadpoem]

[Aubrey rests her head, and Sunny takes it in his hands, fingers moving through soft, pink hair. It isn't the first time. He'd do anything for her. He really believes that.

[Do friends really last forever, or is that only a dream?

[He shushes Aubrey softly, though she isn't crying. It just feels like the right thing to do.]

[headhooligan]

[She’s not crying yet. Ironically it’s the shushing that does it; released hands find their way around his back, pulling Sunny just a bit closer, a fraction of the desperation drawing hushed gasps from weary lungs.]

I…’ve missed you… [Or is it “I’ll miss you”?] Always have....

[He won’t go home.
[Thing is, Aubrey doesn’t blame him.
[Can’t.
[Won’t.

[And she won’t cry about it forever, but just, for this quiet, dark moment…]

[sadpoem]

[Sunny eases into Aubrey's embrace, holding her more securely to his chest. He can be this, for her. Will be. Wants to be.]

I...have too. [He will.]

I...am sorry...I...never came out...

[headhooligan]

I understand. [More than he knows....] I do.

[She nods against his chest, sniffling. Does it feel dishonest? Maybe. But…]

I-it’s like we’ve said. We’re together now.

And we— I won’t waste it.... [That’s a promise.]

[sadpoem]

I won't either. [He almost surprises himself with how quickly, how confidently he answers.

[He hates to see Aubrey cry. He doesn't want to be the cause; of course, he believes he is the cause, or...at least, given everything, he's doomed to be part of it...

[He has to live with that.

[Omori...has to live with that.]

I've...missed you. [They already said so, but...] Please...come over. You don't...have to knock.

[headhooligan]

I will.

[All that running around, and for what. To get herself killed? Sunny might be safe with Xie Lian; god dammit, she doesn’t have to leave him until it’s final.

[Aubrey cannot stop caring if it kills her. Acting otherwise—yelling at friends, watching them cry and doing nothing—might be the biggest waste of time of all.

[With a shaky breath, she lifts her head. A mess, but that’s not new, either; she just wants to see Sunny, really.]

We’ll keep… making new memories. [Chasing that light, together, as long as they can.] All of us.

[Omori, too.]

[sadpoem]

[Sunny thinks of Omori too. Aubrey looks at him, and he takes a deep breath. Something in him rebels. Omori isn't interested in that. He'll make it known, Sunny thinks, if he can't keep him away; of course, he doesn't know how to keep him away, but...

[Focus. Aubrey. Sunny's nostrils flare. He feels like he could cry. It's a terrible guilt, it--]

I think...I've hurt him...

Omori...is my fault...

[headhooligan]

[He knows.

[It’s a nonsense thought, though, isn’t it? Is it not? Hasn’t Kel said as much? Ah, hell, she forgot the talk with Adam—

[The memory rush is borderline offensive, though Aubrey manages to keep it off her face. Her eyes sting; residual. Focus. Sunny’s here, now.

[She moves a hand back to his and squeezes.]

You… said you dreamed about him…? [Something like it.]

[sadpoem]

[Sunny takes Aubrey's hand, squeezing, releasing; he nods.]

Me...in my dreams.

But...now...when I'm upset...

I go away...

It's all him. [Sunny doesn't have to face anything. It's...not fair.]