[He is. He is. He loves her. He looked into her beautiful eyes, placed a hand on her beautiful cheek - shared with her something sacred, beautiful, rare. She's truly given him everything. She's taken blows for him, carried him through the dark, half-dead, terrified. She loves him. She's his sweetheart. She trusts him, but she doesn't know. He keeps so much. So much.
[It feels impossible to swallow. Sunny tries. He grips Aubrey's hand tighter than he ever has before. She'll fade away to nothing. He'll be alone again.
[But She doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark.]
Aubrey...
[Sunny bites down on his lip. It starts to bleed. His hand shakes from the effort of his grip.]
[It's Aubrey. He's no one but himself. He squeezes her hand, looks at her like it's the last time he ever will. There are no tears, though his muscles twitch like his eyes want to make them.
[This is goodbye, then. To all of them.]
I...killed...Mari...
[He says it out loud. Part of him dies forever. His eyes close like he can't lift them open anymore. He releases his grip on Aubrey's hand. She can let go any time she wants to.
[But...
[If there's one last thing to say, it has to be...]
[He’s said it, now. It can’t be undone.
[And they’re still here.
[Aubrey keeps squeezing his hand, steady. Only lifts the other to wipe his lip, just a thumb. (It’s shaking, a little.) Mari wouldn’t have wanted him to bleed for her.]
[Barely above a whisper:] She loved you, too.
cw: suicidal ideation, death, grief, should have CWd this before UHHH
[Sunny waits for something. He thinks he might be waiting to die. He'd like to, holding Aubrey's hand just like this. Death doesn't come, and Aubrey doesn't let go.
["She loved you too."
[Sunny feels his face twist his eyes open, a sound leaving him, tangled and round and raw. He stares at Aubrey, horrified in his confusion. Tears well, but he barely notices. He grips her hand again - harder than he means to. Didn't she hear him? He stares. His mouth stammers; his hand trembles.
[There isn't a word he can say. It doesn't make sense. He can't bear to repeat himself. He can't...]
[What else is there to say? Kel told her. She hates that it wasn’t Sunny’s choice; is grateful, because it’s not a shock, even as that horrible ache wells up between them.
[Sunny’s not a monster. Hell, he could have done it on purpose; he’s not a monster. The how, the why; it almost doesn’t matter, because he’s carried this for four years, rotting alone, and now it’s over.
[He’s trusted Aubrey with the truth. It’s not over at all.
[Mari would forgive him, too.]
I know, Sunny… [Soft, almost pleading. Aubrey’s own eyes well; she notices, and lets them. Sunny’s still here.] I know....
[She coaxes his hand towards her, her own beating, broken heart. Squeeze, just the faintest release, squeeze again....]
[Aubrey squeezes his hand. Sunny wilts, clenching his jaw, teething baring, eyes squeezed shut - like he's being tortured, torn apart. He pulls himself closer to Aubrey, slumping forward with his chin hooked over her shoulder. He squeezes her hand; shakes, gasps - sobs with no sound, though tears pour, burning hot.
[Sunny slumps forward, and Aubrey wraps herself around him, free arm rounding his back and rubbing, soothing, steady.
[Even so, her own breath shakes. She’s gotten better at muffling herself for Sunny, but… hearing him like this never gets easier. Aubrey loves him. She misses Mari. Mari could hug and soothe Sunny like no one else, and if Mari was here—well, she wouldn’t have to, now, would she?
[Maybe the contradiction should be irreconcilable. Somehow, it’s not. She loves him. She always will. Mari is gone now, and they’re both here, and…
[For all that’s happened, Aubrey likes to think Mari wouldn’t hate where they’ve ended up.
[Aubrey forces herself to swallow. Every so often she murmurs ‘Sunny, Sunny,’ but no more. The rest falls away.
[As long as he wants her, she’ll stay. That’s all there is left to do.]
[It lasts and lasts. At some point, light stops shining through the windows, and everything goes dim. Sunny's body is heavy. It rests against Aubrey, dead weight. She isn't asking for more. He could give it. Just a few more minutes like this...
[But he doesn't feel like sleeping. He feels awake.
[He doesn't dare move away. His both of his arms are folded in front of him, holding Aubrey's hands. He finally speaks again, voice soft, so soft...]
[He's out of things to say. It's all so much already. Will he ever have to speak of it again? Part of him feels like he doesn't want to stop - just repeat the words he's already spoken over and over again, chasing that feeling of weight being lifted...
[He hates himself more than ever. He tries to ask himself why Aubrey's still here. He can't. She just is...
[It could still be a goodbye, Sunny thinks, entirely idle. He feels so oddly calm. Surely, this will all settle in eventually, and that will be it, but...
[She's still here. Does she still love him? Will she spend the night, or leave him alone?
[He wonders...
[Whatever happens, there will be peace, he thinks...
[What more can he say? Chin still hooked over Aubrey's shoulder, he nods...]
[She could rock him through the night like that. Sleep doesn't feel likely, for once. It feels wrong to say, "I love you." He does.
[It only makes sense that she'd still be here, doesn't it? Waking up day to day, or going to bed night after night, without her - that's what doesn't make sense...
[He will be everything she needs. He will be brave. He will be strong. He will be great. He will be - he will, he will, for Her, he will...]
[Sunny can be stronger than anyone could ever recognize. Even now, for all Aubrey’s reminded herself this is what he wants, not what he needs… she finds herself thinking he needs her.
[He needs her, right now, on the floor of his own treehouse, to stay awake. To keep upright for him, and hold him through the night. To not let the heartache of what he’s been through, of what he’s had to do, of what he couldn’t do—for all of it, every wasted second, not to crush her.
[Aubrey needs Sunny, really.
[Maybe minutes pass, maybe hours. She ingulges, just slightly—her own chin coming to rest on his shoulder, still holdng, squeezing, releasing, squeezing....]
[He didn't think he could break open again. Breath bursts out of him like a death throe. He clings to Aubrey all at once, one hand coming to clutch the back of her head.]
[Sunny pulls away, taking Aubrey's face in his hands, staring at her, eyes alight in a way she won't have seen in years; maybe ever - he's never felt this way before.]
I love you. [His voice is a whisper, hushed, urgent.]
I won't leave you.
Where I go...you...you...us...together...Aubrey...
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You’re not.
[I know you’re not.]
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[It feels impossible to swallow. Sunny tries. He grips Aubrey's hand tighter than he ever has before. She'll fade away to nothing. He'll be alone again.
[But She doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark.]
Aubrey...
[Sunny bites down on his lip. It starts to bleed. His hand shakes from the effort of his grip.]
I have...to tell you...something...
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[She knows, she knows, she knows. All anger died the second he called himself a monster. Sunny’s anything but.
[Tender, Aubrey moves her other hand over his; still squeezing back, a silent promise.
[Listening. Here. She’s by his side forever.]
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[He loves her.
[It's Aubrey. He's no one but himself. He squeezes her hand, looks at her like it's the last time he ever will. There are no tears, though his muscles twitch like his eyes want to make them.
[This is goodbye, then. To all of them.]
I...killed...Mari...
[He says it out loud. Part of him dies forever. His eyes close like he can't lift them open anymore. He releases his grip on Aubrey's hand. She can let go any time she wants to.
[But...
[If there's one last thing to say, it has to be...]
I didn't...mean to. I...loved...her.
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[Aubrey doesn’t let go.
[She knows. It hurts. It always will.
[He’s said it, now. It can’t be undone.
[And they’re still here.
[Aubrey keeps squeezing his hand, steady. Only lifts the other to wipe his lip, just a thumb. (It’s shaking, a little.) Mari wouldn’t have wanted him to bleed for her.]
[Barely above a whisper:] She loved you, too.
cw: suicidal ideation, death, grief, should have CWd this before UHHH
["She loved you too."
[Sunny feels his face twist his eyes open, a sound leaving him, tangled and round and raw. He stares at Aubrey, horrified in his confusion. Tears well, but he barely notices. He grips her hand again - harder than he means to. Didn't she hear him? He stares. His mouth stammers; his hand trembles.
[There isn't a word he can say. It doesn't make sense. He can't bear to repeat himself. He can't...]
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[What else is there to say? Kel told her. She hates that it wasn’t Sunny’s choice; is grateful, because it’s not a shock, even as that horrible ache wells up between them.
[Sunny’s not a monster. Hell, he could have done it on purpose; he’s not a monster. The how, the why; it almost doesn’t matter, because he’s carried this for four years, rotting alone, and now it’s over.
[He’s trusted Aubrey with the truth. It’s not over at all.
[Mari would forgive him, too.]
I know, Sunny… [Soft, almost pleading. Aubrey’s own eyes well; she notices, and lets them. Sunny’s still here.] I know....
[She coaxes his hand towards her, her own beating, broken heart. Squeeze, just the faintest release, squeeze again....]
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[He'll be a while like that.]
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[Sunny slumps forward, and Aubrey wraps herself around him, free arm rounding his back and rubbing, soothing, steady.
[Even so, her own breath shakes. She’s gotten better at muffling herself for Sunny, but… hearing him like this never gets easier. Aubrey loves him. She misses Mari. Mari could hug and soothe Sunny like no one else, and if Mari was here—well, she wouldn’t have to, now, would she?
[Maybe the contradiction should be irreconcilable. Somehow, it’s not. She loves him. She always will. Mari is gone now, and they’re both here, and…
[For all that’s happened, Aubrey likes to think Mari wouldn’t hate where they’ve ended up.
[Aubrey forces herself to swallow. Every so often she murmurs ‘Sunny, Sunny,’ but no more. The rest falls away.
[As long as he wants her, she’ll stay. That’s all there is left to do.]
1/3
2/3
3/3 this is like literal hours later LMAO
[But he doesn't feel like sleeping. He feels awake.
[He doesn't dare move away. His both of his arms are folded in front of him, holding Aubrey's hands. He finally speaks again, voice soft, so soft...]
We got into a fight. I got mad...
I pushed her. She fell. Down the stairs...
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[It lasts and lasts, and Aubrey asks only for him to be there. If not for his hold on her hands, she’d start to wonder if he’d fallen asleep.
[He speaks. That’s a surprise.
[“No stairs…”
[Against her will, Aubrey hears a sickening splinter. Body, wood, worse than any bat—
[She squeezes. Bleary eyes narrow, pained, but don’t close. Just the smallest of nods, confirming… She’s listening.]
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The rest... [He can't...] Basil...saw...
Then...it's hard...to remember...
[But it's obvious, isn't it? What they did?]
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[It is far, far too obvious. Basil saw. And that’s why…
[Aubrey has told him not to give up for Sunny. Regret stabs.
[He’s carried that four years, too.
[A fresh tear hits Sunny’s shoulder; another. Aubrey tries to blink the rest back. She nods, dumb and lost, again.]
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[He hates himself more than ever. He tries to ask himself why Aubrey's still here. He can't. She just is...
[There is one more thing he can say, actually.]
Aubrey...
I'm...sorry...
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[It is the absolute farthest thing from okay, but…]
I… I know, Sunny. [Aubrey’s not the one who’s been sobbing, but her voice comes out strained.] I know....
[He pushed her down the stairs. Basil saw. And then they… he…]
I-I can’t… hold that against you. I don’t....
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[She's still here. Does she still love him? Will she spend the night, or leave him alone?
[He wonders...
[Whatever happens, there will be peace, he thinks...
[What more can he say? Chin still hooked over Aubrey's shoulder, he nods...]
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[Aubrey hates goodbyes. She can’t. Won’t. Not until she has to.
[Sunny nods. He’s said as much as he can; more than, really. It’s so, so much—and yet, is that really all…?
[Aubrey barely has the energy. They can stay like this, Sunny resting safe on her, all night. However long he wants....
[Ever so slightly, almost without realizing, she rocks them. Just a subtle sway. It’s grounding....]
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[It only makes sense that she'd still be here, doesn't it? Waking up day to day, or going to bed night after night, without her - that's what doesn't make sense...
[He will be everything she needs. He will be brave. He will be strong. He will be great. He will be - he will, he will, for Her, he will...]
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[Sunny can be stronger than anyone could ever recognize. Even now, for all Aubrey’s reminded herself this is what he wants, not what he needs… she finds herself thinking he needs her.
[He needs her, right now, on the floor of his own treehouse, to stay awake. To keep upright for him, and hold him through the night. To not let the heartache of what he’s been through, of what he’s had to do, of what he couldn’t do—for all of it, every wasted second, not to crush her.
[Aubrey needs Sunny, really.
[Maybe minutes pass, maybe hours. She ingulges, just slightly—her own chin coming to rest on his shoulder, still holdng, squeezing, releasing, squeezing....]
I love you… Sunny....
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I love you... [Hushed, desperate.] I love you...
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[She clutches for his.]
I love you… [And remembers…]
We’re together… a-and we love each other.
[No matter what.]
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[Sunny pulls away, taking Aubrey's face in his hands, staring at her, eyes alight in a way she won't have seen in years; maybe ever - he's never felt this way before.]
I love you. [His voice is a whisper, hushed, urgent.]
I won't leave you.
Where I go...you...you...us...together...Aubrey...
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[“I won’t leave you.” Ah. But…
[But…?
[God, he’s alive.
[Her heart swells.] Y…yeah. [Overflows.] Yeah, I— [She’s crying before she can think to stop herself.
[Choked, Aubrey pulls Sunny right back, tight. Why hold back now? She’d die for him. She’ll live for him.]
I will.... I-I’ll stay with you forever.
[They’ll find somewhere, together.]
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