( Sunny doesn't know, but if he leaves -- it's different this time. Basil has friends here. He has so many people who would help him if he truly needed it. He won't be alone... Nor would he ever blame Sunny for leaving.
Ultimately, all he wants is Sunny's happiness. Despite his selfishness, despite how attached he is to Sunny, he wants the best for him. He loves him. Maybe he has from the moment that they met. He's never had a chance to tell him.
But then, he looks to the way his expression shifts, and Basil feels the way he frowns deeply, looking on in alarm. )
S-Sunny? What's wrong? Are you okay?
( Basil knows him perhaps better than anyone else. He's knows what Sunny wants to say before he says it, knows how to read those subtle changes in expression. Something about this upset him, but what? )
You can talk to me-- I promise, I'll do anything I can to help.
[Basil always seems to know, somehow. It's disquieting. It's part of the reason Sunny has feared being around him. He'd prefer to hide...
[He's trying not to do that anymore, though. He shakes his head against Basil's worry, lightly gripping his hand. He can't force a smile, but Sunny's not much one to smile anyway.]
I-I'm okay...
[There's no need to tell Basil that he'll go away. Aside from that, maybe Basil would be able to come too. No part of Sunny thinks he'll be leaving any time soon. They have time...]
( Basil's hand shifts then, moving to intertwine his fingers in Sunny's. He doesn't know what's wrong. He doesn't think it's okay, but he won't push him. He knows better than that. Pushing him to speak would only push him away. )
Me, too. You're... more important to me than anyone else.
( It feels a little scary to say that, but he feels like he needs to. He needs to be honest wit him. Would he know what he meant? How deeply he feels?
It's okay if he doesn't, but Basil wants him to know that much. )
[Sunny knows. He and Basil share something that no one else could ever understand. Only Sunny killed Mari, but Basil made sure he didn't have to shoulder it alone. He did the unthinkable for Sunny; he had to, because of Sunny's mistake.
[Something in Sunny has resented Basil. It's difficult not to. One moment, you're standing at the top of a staircase, and the next, your sister's body is hanging from a tree. Sunny doesn't hate Basil for what he did, but he does hate it...
[It isn't just complex. It's impossible. They are bound. And Sunny loves Basil.
[Sunny loves Basil. He loves him desperately. He loves him mournfully.
[His eyes fall to their intertwined hands; Sunny lightly grips.]
I know. You...and me...
[Would Basil understand if Sunny couldn't put it into words?]
( Sunny responds, and Basil knows. He knows that Sunny knows what he means. He knows that Sunny understands him better than anyone else. All of his hopes and dreams were something that only Sunny knew.
He's always known what he wants to say, even without him saying anything. It's why he responds by gently cupping the other's cheek lightly, fingers brushing against the other.
It hurts so much, but it feels wonderful, too. The bond that they share is nothing that Basil thinks that he could share with anyone else.
He doesn't know if he wants to. )
That... makes me really happy. You make me happy.
( Everything that happened back then feels like a bad dream. He knows that he'll never forget. He'll never forgive himself. But, that guilt from before has become bearable for him to carry.
He did it for him. He did it for Sunny. He did it to protect him in the only way he could. )
And, I hope that no matter what happens -- you can find happiness, too.
cries lmk if u wanna wrap up soon or if you have more
[It's such a simple, kind, well-meaning wish. Basil is a kind, well-meaning person. How could Sunny ever have lost sight of that? It matters more, doesn't it?
[Happiness is still far away. Sunny doesn't know if he'll ever truly find it. Then again, he finds it here all the time - little moments amongst the chaos and fear that make waking up feel bearable. It lives in his friends. He was so afraid for so long to open himself up to them again...
[He can't tell Basil that he will find happiness, because he's not entirely sure what it means anymore.]
I hope...so too.
[His thumb strokes lightly over Basil's knuckles. He pictures raising the boy's hand to his lips and kissing it. They have rings. It seems like the next logical step.
[But it's only a daydream.]
I'll...keep it on. [The ring. He holds up his finger where it lays.
( Basil gently leans against Sunny then, their shoulders touching. Happiness is a journey, he thinks -- especially for the both of them. Basil believed for so long that Sunny was part of that for himself, maybe he still is.
He separates his grip from Sunny then, slipping his own ring on and offering a smile - gentle and fond. )
We'll always be connected. ( He says softly.
There's so much he wants to say, but he doesn't think that the both of them need words. Sunny knows how he feels. To him, that's more than enough for right now. )
I promise that this time, I'll be here for you no matter what.
I teared up writing this...that's a wrap from me <3
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LIES DOWN
Ultimately, all he wants is Sunny's happiness. Despite his selfishness, despite how attached he is to Sunny, he wants the best for him. He loves him. Maybe he has from the moment that they met. He's never had a chance to tell him.
But then, he looks to the way his expression shifts, and Basil feels the way he frowns deeply, looking on in alarm. )
S-Sunny? What's wrong? Are you okay?
( Basil knows him perhaps better than anyone else. He's knows what Sunny wants to say before he says it, knows how to read those subtle changes in expression. Something about this upset him, but what? )
You can talk to me-- I promise, I'll do anything I can to help.
no subject
[He's trying not to do that anymore, though. He shakes his head against Basil's worry, lightly gripping his hand. He can't force a smile, but Sunny's not much one to smile anyway.]
I-I'm okay...
[There's no need to tell Basil that he'll go away. Aside from that, maybe Basil would be able to come too. No part of Sunny thinks he'll be leaving any time soon. They have time...]
I'm...glad...we're here together.
no subject
Me, too. You're... more important to me than anyone else.
( It feels a little scary to say that, but he feels like he needs to. He needs to be honest wit him. Would he know what he meant? How deeply he feels?
It's okay if he doesn't, but Basil wants him to know that much. )
cw: graphic suicide imagery
[Something in Sunny has resented Basil. It's difficult not to. One moment, you're standing at the top of a staircase, and the next, your sister's body is hanging from a tree. Sunny doesn't hate Basil for what he did, but he does hate it...
[It isn't just complex. It's impossible. They are bound. And Sunny loves Basil.
[Sunny loves Basil. He loves him desperately. He loves him mournfully.
[His eyes fall to their intertwined hands; Sunny lightly grips.]
I know. You...and me...
[Would Basil understand if Sunny couldn't put it into words?]
I know...I know...
no subject
He's always known what he wants to say, even without him saying anything. It's why he responds by gently cupping the other's cheek lightly, fingers brushing against the other.
It hurts so much, but it feels wonderful, too. The bond that they share is nothing that Basil thinks that he could share with anyone else.
He doesn't know if he wants to. )
That... makes me really happy. You make me happy.
( Everything that happened back then feels like a bad dream. He knows that he'll never forget. He'll never forgive himself. But, that guilt from before has become bearable for him to carry.
He did it for him. He did it for Sunny. He did it to protect him in the only way he could. )
And, I hope that no matter what happens -- you can find happiness, too.
cries lmk if u wanna wrap up soon or if you have more
[Happiness is still far away. Sunny doesn't know if he'll ever truly find it. Then again, he finds it here all the time - little moments amongst the chaos and fear that make waking up feel bearable. It lives in his friends. He was so afraid for so long to open himself up to them again...
[He can't tell Basil that he will find happiness, because he's not entirely sure what it means anymore.]
I hope...so too.
[His thumb strokes lightly over Basil's knuckles. He pictures raising the boy's hand to his lips and kissing it. They have rings. It seems like the next logical step.
[But it's only a daydream.]
I'll...keep it on. [The ring. He holds up his finger where it lays.
[They'll always find each other.]
we can get to a wrapping point!
He separates his grip from Sunny then, slipping his own ring on and offering a smile - gentle and fond. )
We'll always be connected. ( He says softly.
There's so much he wants to say, but he doesn't think that the both of them need words. Sunny knows how he feels. To him, that's more than enough for right now. )
I promise that this time, I'll be here for you no matter what.
I teared up writing this...that's a wrap from me <3
[Basil is near. Sunny takes his hands. They'll always be connected; this, they both must realize, is an ireffutable fact.
[Sunny brings Basils hand's up to his cheek. He presses it against them, briefly closing his eyes.]
I promise.