[At this, Sunny has to avert his eyes again. He swallows hard. Aubrey does everything for him, but...she will have to do this too. If she's offering, he can't deny her. Somewhere, he knows it's what she'd do anyway, despite everything. In this place? She would...]
I can't...go near him.
I...kn-know...I'll hurt...him...
[Aside from that...]
He doesn't know. [Of that, Sunny is certain.
[He would have told him. Or he would have broken down.]
[There’s a non-small part of Aubrey that doubts it, the idea of Sunny hurting anyone on purpose. Even Omori, outside dreams, was quick to heal; they both have that power.
[Still. Sunny may love Basil, but Aubrey knows damn well what can happen when feelings come out the wrong way. Hell, he’d know that better than anyone....]
Then… I can keep him away. [Steadier than she feels. It’s going to hurt.] And if he’s near you—call me. [It’s going to hurt. Treating Basil like a danger—but is that really new?]
And when those feelings need to come out… I’ll be there for that, too. [It will hurt....]
[Aubrey’s quiet for a moment, still squeezing back. None of them know what the hell happens at that sleepover, do they? Kel wasn’t there.]
You know… [Quiet. Careful.] There was a time out here, when I was really mad at someone. I didn’t really understand it, at the time, but… it all came out, anyway.
Someone got really hurt because of that. I felt like I’d completely lost it, and…
[She thumbs over his knuckles.]
He got healed. I regret that it happened, but… we moved on. And since then, whenever I get really mad at someone, I’ve tried to… take it out, somewhere else. Before it comes to that.
[She doesn’t blame him, is the thing. Hell, that strategy hasn’t worked perfectly; Aubrey’s still yelled, thrown things, lashed out.
[Just— She’s never seen Sunny angry, has she?]
When I say I’m there for your feelings, too… I mean that. [When Kel told her about Basil, he all but offered himself for target practice.] In any way you need.
[Despite the fact that Sunny wants to be brave, he still doesn't particularly feel that way. He wants to be able to take care of himself, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good to be taken care of. Aubrey's arms are safe, and he craves safety. More than anything, he's afraid of himself, but maybe Aubrey can protect him from that, too, somehow...
[It's really not fair to put so much weight on her...
[He puts his head against her chest and nods. His desire to put two arms around her is always there, but always outweighed by the hand squeezing his. She's so good. She's so good.]
[It dawns on him all at once, that Aubrey finally understands something no one else has ever been able to understand. Sunny and Basil share something that no one else shares, but Sunny can explain now, in ways - in ways - how it feels...]
I want to be with him.
K-kel too, but...
[He only grips Aubrey tighter.]
I can't...I can't... [Not now. Maybe not ever.] Just you...
[In ways, she can understand. However he hurt Mari, how he might hurt Basil—in anger; a mistake; he loves them. He loves them, and it’s harder for that.
[He’s not talking with Kel. Basil is… Basil. Any issues they have with that, they can take it to Aubrey....
[It's a kindness. Sunny has long hated feeling spoken for, but this is different. For four years, who spoke for Sunny when he couldn't speak for himself? Maybe he owes Kel and Basil a conversation; maybe he's angry, hurt, and scared. Maybe he doesn't owe anyone anything. Maybe it's alright to be selfish...
[Sunny's mind is ever at war with itself. It's hard to know what's real, right, or wrong when you have no idea who you are or why it matters.
[Aubrey can talk to them; it's that or silence...
[He can't bear to so much as give her words to deliver. He merely nods, still clinging with all his meager strength.]
[Sunny has told her more than anyone should ever have to. Aubrey’s never had a problem speaking; found it too easy, if anything. But she can be careful with Sunny— maybe too careful—a knife gleaming in a sliver of moonlight, feet on the edge of a roof—
[It’s done. Aubrey’s a fool if she thinks she can control what he does, any of them; she only needs to be there before it gnaws him apart.
[She carries him. Doesn’t push. Somehow, that’s been enough.
[Lightly, Aubrey rests her chin over Sunny’s head, curling ever-protectively around him. His food’s cold; that’s alright. She’ll be here all day and then some, squeezing, releasing, squeezing…]
[It comes suddenly. A few moments pass in silence, held; then, all at once, Sunny's head lifts, brow pulled up with exaggeration unbefitting of Sunny's usual features. He grips Aubrey's hand, steady.]
I don't...want to go back to sleep. [As if he fears he might; as if he fears he has no choice.] Let's...d-do...something...
[The early morning has slipped by; brighter rays peer through the leaves, dappling the wooden floor.
[Somnius isn’t always so welcoming, but today… today might be promising.]
We can… go for a walk. [It comes out a bit like a date offer. It isn’t not one.] I’ll show you where I train, and we can just… sightsee, and stuff. [No pressure. Sunny isn’t out too much; they can ease into it.]
[Just a walk. How many have they taken? A walk through a neighborhood park or to a hobby shop; a walk through tangled overgrowth and growling throats.
[It's just a walk. Sunny's perfectly capable of moving his legs. He and Aubrey's hands are still clasped together, so he takes hers and kisses it softly, just like he would a princess in his dreams.]
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I can't...go near him.
I...kn-know...I'll hurt...him...
[Aside from that...]
He doesn't know. [Of that, Sunny is certain.
[He would have told him. Or he would have broken down.]
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[Ah.
[There’s a non-small part of Aubrey that doubts it, the idea of Sunny hurting anyone on purpose. Even Omori, outside dreams, was quick to heal; they both have that power.
[Still. Sunny may love Basil, but Aubrey knows damn well what can happen when feelings come out the wrong way. Hell, he’d know that better than anyone....]
Then… I can keep him away. [Steadier than she feels. It’s going to hurt.] And if he’s near you—call me. [It’s going to hurt. Treating Basil like a danger—but is that really new?]
And when those feelings need to come out… I’ll be there for that, too. [It will hurt....]
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I don't hate him...
[He doesn't.]
I don't...
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[Maybe that should have been a question....
[Aubrey’s quiet for a moment, still squeezing back. None of them know what the hell happens at that sleepover, do they? Kel wasn’t there.]
You know… [Quiet. Careful.] There was a time out here, when I was really mad at someone. I didn’t really understand it, at the time, but… it all came out, anyway.
Someone got really hurt because of that. I felt like I’d completely lost it, and…
[She thumbs over his knuckles.]
He got healed. I regret that it happened, but… we moved on. And since then, whenever I get really mad at someone, I’ve tried to… take it out, somewhere else. Before it comes to that.
[She doesn’t blame him, is the thing. Hell, that strategy hasn’t worked perfectly; Aubrey’s still yelled, thrown things, lashed out.
[Just— She’s never seen Sunny angry, has she?]
When I say I’m there for your feelings, too… I mean that. [When Kel told her about Basil, he all but offered himself for target practice.] In any way you need.
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[His voice comes out so small.] He...should be angry...at me.
[Sunny made him do that.
[Didn't he?
[Basil did it for him.
[He can't quite remember...]
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[She’d offer the same to Basil. Would, if it wasn’t too close to everything left unsaid. Could, if she was certain she could hold herself back....]
I won’t let him hurt you.
[That much, Aubrey can try. Omori’s there, too....]
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[She tugs him in a little, defensive. Not forced, but if Sunny follows the motion, he’ll find her other hand curled protectively behind his head.]
He doesn’t have to again.
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[It's really not fair to put so much weight on her...
[He puts his head against her chest and nods. His desire to put two arms around her is always there, but always outweighed by the hand squeezing his. She's so good. She's so good.]
I love you...so...much...
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[She kisses the top of his head, soft. Sunny weighs so little—carries too much, himself. Aubrey will hold all of him forever.]
I love you, too. [Sunny. Omori. All of them....] I love you, I love you…
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I want to be with him.
K-kel too, but...
[He only grips Aubrey tighter.]
I can't...I can't... [Not now. Maybe not ever.] Just you...
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[In ways, she can understand. However he hurt Mari, how he might hurt Basil—in anger; a mistake; he loves them. He loves them, and it’s harder for that.
[He’s not talking with Kel. Basil is… Basil. Any issues they have with that, they can take it to Aubrey....
[She pulls Sunny closer, tighter.]
Anything you want.
[Her fingers run through soft hair.]
I can talk to them....
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[Sunny's mind is ever at war with itself. It's hard to know what's real, right, or wrong when you have no idea who you are or why it matters.
[Aubrey can talk to them; it's that or silence...
[He can't bear to so much as give her words to deliver. He merely nods, still clinging with all his meager strength.]
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[Sunny has told her more than anyone should ever have to. Aubrey’s never had a problem speaking; found it too easy, if anything. But she can be careful with Sunny— maybe too careful—a knife gleaming in a sliver of moonlight, feet on the edge of a roof—
[It’s done. Aubrey’s a fool if she thinks she can control what he does, any of them; she only needs to be there before it gnaws him apart.
[She carries him. Doesn’t push. Somehow, that’s been enough.
[Lightly, Aubrey rests her chin over Sunny’s head, curling ever-protectively around him. His food’s cold; that’s alright. She’ll be here all day and then some, squeezing, releasing, squeezing…]
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I don't...want to go back to sleep. [As if he fears he might; as if he fears he has no choice.] Let's...d-do...something...
[Anything...]
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[The early morning has slipped by; brighter rays peer through the leaves, dappling the wooden floor.
[Somnius isn’t always so welcoming, but today… today might be promising.]
We can… go for a walk. [It comes out a bit like a date offer. It isn’t not one.] I’ll show you where I train, and we can just… sightsee, and stuff. [No pressure. Sunny isn’t out too much; they can ease into it.]
I’ll be right with you.
UGH we can wrap I'm dead
[It's just a walk. Sunny's perfectly capable of moving his legs. He and Aubrey's hands are still clasped together, so he takes hers and kisses it softly, just like he would a princess in his dreams.]
Okay...sweetheart.