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[Sunny cringes, looking not unlike he might get sick. He squeezes her hand.

[There's nothing left to hide, is there? Or is there...

[He thinks of his dreams - only flashes - Basil, bleeding, crushed, dismembered, headless...]

I hurt him. [Sunny's words are choked, but he isn't crying.] In...the future...maybe...

The...hospital...

[Aubrey leans forward, still squeezing, releasing…

[No one else is here. It feels like they’re sharing a secret anyway. Maybe Aubrey can’t get mad at them, when she’s about to…]

Kel… has told me about the future. [It feels like a lie, not to share how much. Only if Sunny wants to hear it....] I know it’s not just you.

[He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear it. He never asked Kel to tell him about the future, because he couldn't picture a bright one, and now he knows that it's dark, dark, dark. He doesn't know exactly what Aubrey means, but--

[He doesn't want to know.

[He grips Aubrey's hand - tight.]

Please...

Tell me...

[It’s not fair.]

Everything…?

[It’s not goddamn fair.]

[Sunny feels a terrible, terrible weight settle back on his shoulders, even worse than that of the last four years. With one arm - the mangled one - he hugs himself, eyes dropping to his lap. He keeps hold of Aubrey's hand with the other.

[Everything...?

[How much does she know? Kel acted like everything was fine, but...

[He can only expect the worst. Kel might be a liar...

[Sunny nods; weak, miserable.]

Yes...

[All at once, she hates Kel, actually. Sunny’s trauma wasn’t his to tell. Maybe the same could be said for Basil, but that’s different—it’s always different, with Basil. Both of them—all of them, from points in time only days yet too far apart.

[It’s not their fault. They should have someone. Hell, Aubrey could’ve hounded them into telling, under different circumstances, but it’s happened the way it’s happened, and she hates this for Sunny, and—

[Sunny’s here. He agrees. It’s not fair to him to hold back.]

I know that… during the sleepover, you and Basil fight. [He’s not looking, and Aubrey’s expression has pulled tense with twisted, churning emotion. She speaks slow; has to force it.] Kel’s not sure why—neither of us are.

I know that puts you in the hospital; both of you. And in that future…

[She squeezes. Doesn’t release; but if Sunny does, then…]

…you tell us that Mari… didn’t kill herself. And that Basil covered for it.

[I’m sorry.]

[Sunny is quiet for a long moment. "You knew?" is certainly a question, though there's no use in asking for it. He isn't angry. He isn't...

[He squeezes her hand. Exactly two little tears drip between their legs, Sunny's head still hung; there's no sound to it, really.

[More silent moments pass. It might seem as though he's considering what to say, but it's not that. He can't think of anything to say until, quite simply - softly, softly:]

I don't hate him...

[He doesn't...]

I love him. [Sunny shakes his head; his body sways with it, nauseated.] It's not his fault...

[Mari. The hospital. None of it. Sunny made a mistake. Basil defended himself. That's it...]

[Sunny, Aubrey thinks, is a vastly more gracious person than she ever will be.

[There’s a jealous itch, despite it all. “My best friend.” She remembers last night, and it’s a balm; remembers what happens when she lets her ego block him out, period.

[He’s talking. Focus....
[He wailed so miserably.

[Aubrey reaches just one hand forward, brushing his cheek. She doesn’t make him look up.]

Alright....

[That’s all she has, for now. How he feels is his call.]

[Conversation over, then, but for once, it doesn't feel like it should end with his discomfort. Aubrey must have feelings about it - feelings about all of it. There have been times in the past - the recent past, even, thinking of home - that Aubrey, Kel, even Hero, have all said things that Sunny wishes they hadn't - not in front of him. Selfishly, he'd felt hurt that they didn't consider their words, though it was quickly replaced by shame - disgust that he'd ever condemn them for hating what he did...

[He hasn't wanted to hear it, is all. But Aubrey listened to him, and she didn't run away. He squeezes her hand. He lifts his head.

[Softly:] You can tell me...

[Her palm stays, cupping, gentle. The face Aubrey is making is pained, softly; it’s difficult to shake the feeling she’s told him too much already. Kel won’t be happy about this—any of it, she imagines.]

I’m not… sure what’s left to say.

[And yet…

[She swallows. Finds her eyes trailing down, as she talks, at their united, squeezing hands.]

Basil and I… we’re not friends, right now. I know he wants to be. And I don’t think he knows that I know.

[Why would he tell Sunny about the hospital?]

But I can try… to be there for him, too.

[At this, Sunny has to avert his eyes again. He swallows hard. Aubrey does everything for him, but...she will have to do this too. If she's offering, he can't deny her. Somewhere, he knows it's what she'd do anyway, despite everything. In this place? She would...]

I can't...go near him.

I...kn-know...I'll hurt...him...

[Aside from that...]

He doesn't know. [Of that, Sunny is certain.

[He would have told him. Or he would have broken down.]

[Ah.

[There’s a non-small part of Aubrey that doubts it, the idea of Sunny hurting anyone on purpose. Even Omori, outside dreams, was quick to heal; they both have that power.

[Still. Sunny may love Basil, but Aubrey knows damn well what can happen when feelings come out the wrong way. Hell, he’d know that better than anyone....]

Then… I can keep him away. [Steadier than she feels. It’s going to hurt.] And if he’s near you—call me. [It’s going to hurt. Treating Basil like a danger—but is that really new?]

And when those feelings need to come out… I’ll be there for that, too. [It will hurt....]

[It feels like every part of Sunny's body squeezes. He squeezes her hand, and releases. He curls in on himself. He shakes his head.]

I don't hate him...

[He doesn't.]

I don't...

[Maybe that should have been a question....

[Aubrey’s quiet for a moment, still squeezing back. None of them know what the hell happens at that sleepover, do they? Kel wasn’t there.]

You know… [Quiet. Careful.] There was a time out here, when I was really mad at someone. I didn’t really understand it, at the time, but… it all came out, anyway.

Someone got really hurt because of that. I felt like I’d completely lost it, and…

[She thumbs over his knuckles.]

He got healed. I regret that it happened, but… we moved on. And since then, whenever I get really mad at someone, I’ve tried to… take it out, somewhere else. Before it comes to that.

[She doesn’t blame him, is the thing. Hell, that strategy hasn’t worked perfectly; Aubrey’s still yelled, thrown things, lashed out.

[Just— She’s never seen Sunny angry, has she?]

When I say I’m there for your feelings, too… I mean that. [When Kel told her about Basil, he all but offered himself for target practice.] In any way you need.

[Sunny looks helpless. Simply helpless...

[His voice comes out so small.] He...should be angry...at me.

[Sunny made him do that.

[Didn't he?

[Basil did it for him.

[He can't quite remember...]

[She’d offer the same to Basil. Would, if it wasn’t too close to everything left unsaid. Could, if she was certain she could hold herself back....]

I won’t let him hurt you.

[That much, Aubrey can try. Omori’s there, too....]

He had to...

[She tugs him in a little, defensive. Not forced, but if Sunny follows the motion, he’ll find her other hand curled protectively behind his head.]

He doesn’t have to again.

[Despite the fact that Sunny wants to be brave, he still doesn't particularly feel that way. He wants to be able to take care of himself, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good to be taken care of. Aubrey's arms are safe, and he craves safety. More than anything, he's afraid of himself, but maybe Aubrey can protect him from that, too, somehow...

[It's really not fair to put so much weight on her...

[He puts his head against her chest and nods. His desire to put two arms around her is always there, but always outweighed by the hand squeezing his. She's so good. She's so good.]

I love you...so...much...

[She kisses the top of his head, soft. Sunny weighs so little—carries too much, himself. Aubrey will hold all of him forever.]

I love you, too. [Sunny. Omori. All of them....] I love you, I love you…

[It dawns on him all at once, that Aubrey finally understands something no one else has ever been able to understand. Sunny and Basil share something that no one else shares, but Sunny can explain now, in ways - in ways - how it feels...]

I want to be with him.

K-kel too, but...

[He only grips Aubrey tighter.]

I can't...I can't... [Not now. Maybe not ever.] Just you...

[In ways, she can understand. However he hurt Mari, how he might hurt Basil—in anger; a mistake; he loves them. He loves them, and it’s harder for that.

[He’s not talking with Kel. Basil is… Basil. Any issues they have with that, they can take it to Aubrey....

[She pulls Sunny closer, tighter.]

Anything you want.

[Her fingers run through soft hair.]

I can talk to them....

[It's a kindness. Sunny has long hated feeling spoken for, but this is different. For four years, who spoke for Sunny when he couldn't speak for himself? Maybe he owes Kel and Basil a conversation; maybe he's angry, hurt, and scared. Maybe he doesn't owe anyone anything. Maybe it's alright to be selfish...

[Sunny's mind is ever at war with itself. It's hard to know what's real, right, or wrong when you have no idea who you are or why it matters.

[Aubrey can talk to them; it's that or silence...

[He can't bear to so much as give her words to deliver. He merely nods, still clinging with all his meager strength.]

[Sunny has told her more than anyone should ever have to. Aubrey’s never had a problem speaking; found it too easy, if anything. But she can be careful with Sunny— maybe too careful—a knife gleaming in a sliver of moonlight, feet on the edge of a roof—

[It’s done. Aubrey’s a fool if she thinks she can control what he does, any of them; she only needs to be there before it gnaws him apart.

[She carries him. Doesn’t push. Somehow, that’s been enough.

[Lightly, Aubrey rests her chin over Sunny’s head, curling ever-protectively around him. His food’s cold; that’s alright. She’ll be here all day and then some, squeezing, releasing, squeezing…]

[It comes suddenly. A few moments pass in silence, held; then, all at once, Sunny's head lifts, brow pulled up with exaggeration unbefitting of Sunny's usual features. He grips Aubrey's hand, steady.]

I don't...want to go back to sleep. [As if he fears he might; as if he fears he has no choice.] Let's...d-do...something...

[Anything...]

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headhooligan - 2024-08-09 05:54 (UTC) - Expand

UGH we can wrap I'm dead

sadpoem - 2024-08-10 02:50 (UTC) - Expand